Saturday, January 1, 2005

Note from Tanaka's author: Chapter 1 published!

Chapter 1 of "The Second Childhood" has been published in the following installments:

In the story, Chapter 1 is scheduled to conclude at noon right before Kanoku opens the door to a group of kids who show up to celebrate Tanaka's 5th birthday. The ending sentence reads "The doorbell rang."


Proposed Allowance plans for the Shimoya children

The Shimoya children's allowance plans:
By Tanaka Shimoya

(Foreword: I hope that my parents - Mr. Kanoku & Mrs. Kyo-ni Shimoya, will find this plan fair and equitable for all parties involved - that both the payers and recipients will benefit well from this payment plan.)

Grade School Assignment Pay
I. “A” on each regular homework & assignment: 25¢
a. “B” on each regular homework & assignments: 10¢ (that is the “A” amount - 60% penalty)
b. On ANY school assignment, If “A+,” then “A” amount + 20% bonus (therefore equaling 30¢ for a regular homework assignment)
c. On ANY school assignment, If “A-,” then “A” amount - 20% penalty (therefore equaling 20¢ for a regular homework assignment)
d. On ANY school assignment, If “B+,” then “A” amount - 40% penalty (therefore equaling 15¢ for a regular homework assignment)
e. On ANY school assignment, If “B-,” then “A” amount - 80% penalty (therefore equaling 5¢ for a regular homework assignment)

II. “A” on each quiz: 50¢
a. “B” on each quiz: 20¢
b. For electronic book quiz programs (like the Electronic Book Shelf {EBS} or Accelerated Reader {AR}, they count as “quizzes” and their pay scale are as follows:
i. If my Kindergartener gets at least a 9/10 (90% A-) or better on a quiz for a book rated at the 3rd grade reading level, s/he will earn a total of $2.00. That is 50¢ for the “A,” then an extra 50¢ for every grade level after his/her own.

III. “A” on an ordinary art drawing assignment: 50¢
a. “B” on an ordinary art drawing assignment: 20¢

IV. “A” on each test: 75¢
a. “B” on each test: 30¢

V. “A” on each book report: $1.00
a. “B” on each book report: 40¢

VI. “A” on larger art project: $1.25
a. “B” on larger art project: 50¢

VII. “A” on sizeable class (science, etc.) project : $1.50
a. “B” on sizeable class (science, etc.) project: 60¢

VIII. “A” or “O” on a subject on a 9-week report card: $2.00
a. “B” or “S” on a subject on a 9-week report card: 80¢

IX. All “A’s” on a 9-week report card: $5.00
a. All “B’s” on a 9-week report card: $2.00
i. In the likely case of a mix of A’s and B’s, I will determine an amount between $2.00 and $5.00 based on how the grades are mixed.

X. All “A’s” on a semester report card: $12.50
a. All “B’s” on a semester report card: $5.00
i. Same actions in scenario as described above

Chores at Home (Base Grade School Pay)
I. Folding Clothes
a. Fold own clothes correctly & place in right drawers: 35¢
i. Do same thing, but less neatly and not so organized (e.g. folded in a way that doesn’t look neat, thrown in instead of placed in an orderly way, etc.) : 14¢ (If placed in wrong drawers, no pay at all)
b. Fold siblings’ “”: 50¢ per sibling (e.g. Fold and put away ALL of one sibling’s clothes and earn that amount.)
i. Do same thing but “”: 20¢
c. Fold our (the parents’) “”:60¢
i. Do same thing but “”: 24¢

II. Pulling Weeds and Removing Small Sticks
a. 40¢ per full bag of weeds and small sticks, each bag the size of a regular plastic Wal-Mart shopping bag

III. Other chores: Parent's discretion (due to time constraints)

Middle School Assignment Pay

(To be drafted when the first child is about to enter middle school)

How I'll deal with my new parents if they pull the wrong moves on me

So far, my parents and siblings have been good to me. Maybe they're treating me well because it's my birthday. That breakfast of pancakes, bacon, and fruits seemed pretty fine and dandy, but I was expecting something more "ethnic" from my new parents. If they're Japanese and Korean, why not make something from there?

If they discipline me too harshly

Anyways, I'm sure that with being five years old now, they'll rail all sorts of unsavory discipline on me. I do have a plan though, for if they overstep their bounds too much: I'll report them to my teachers or their family friends. I only want to villainize my parents if, and ONLY if, they cross some lines with me.

If a babysitter does

If any babysitter of mine turns out to be like Mrs. Trunchbull from the Matilda book, I think I'll call Child Protective Services on her. Their hotline is 800-342-3720. (In my previous life, one of my elementary teachers read Matilda to my class. I also watched the movie adaptation a few years later.)

If my Mom tries to overstep some societal bounds on me

One great example: Parents sometimes take children of the opposite gender into a public restroom. If my new dad isn't present, and my new mom is about to take me in one, I'll tell her that she's overstepping her bounds with society and that I should wait in the hall. Understandably, she'll want me to stay safe with her to avoid getting kidnapped.

Well, she can ask a lady senior citizen to watch me then. They can be trusted most, can they not? Under all circumstances though, is Mom not to take me into a women's restroom. If she's about to force me in there, I plan to fake a stranger's reaction and say, "Hey, lady! Where are ya takin' me? I don't know you, I want my parents!" Then look at other adults and say, "Hey, why's this strange lady takin' me into her restroom?"

Hopefully I'll not need to pull that kind of move on her. It's just so embarrassing to get pulled into a women's restroom. Those ideas are pretty cruel. I think I love my new mom too much to pull that kind of move on her.

(As an afterthought, maybe I should keep a blindfold in my pocket so that when Mom is about to bring me into a women's restroom, I'll need not see any of it.)

Other developments

My birthday party is at Noon, so in a little while. I expect my "friends" to be no older than Kindergarten age, so I'll be forced to deal with that cesspit of immaturity for a while, and participate and be the star of some inane games. Instead of "Pin the tail on this creature," why not a game of Halo? Man, I miss those X-Box parties!

Also, I'm afraid of how they'll react when they figure out that I don't know any of their names. I can't tell them that I've suffered a body switch! I could tell them that yesterday's illness that my parents told me about, caused me amnesia, but they won't even know what "amnesia" is. I'm coming up on quite a predicament here. What am I ever going to do?

Anyways, may God help me deal with the immaturities of any little tyke I come across. I hope he helps me skip grades too, so I can leave all their behavioral shortcomings behind as quickly as possible.

Now, I'm going to formulate an allowance plan for myself, and my siblings. I hope it turns out to be fair and equitable for us all.

Wish me well in my second childhood!

-Tanaka Shimoya

So, I'm 5 years old the second time! Here's what happened:

Foreword: If you want to know more about me, that's why I made this blog.

Foreword 2: I am still reeling from the shock of a body transfer to a child, so this message may not seem to be typed in the way you're used to reading. If you were shocked at a recent life-changing event, how would YOU type or write your journal? See what I mean?

The last night of my first life

Before today, I was Marcus Michael Shuttles III, a Sophomore at K-State, about to turn 20. I was partying at a fraternity the previous night, then when a girl from Overland Park (KS) rejected me for someone else, I decided that I'd be happier with my family than with my frat buddies who were about to go bar-hopping, so I tried to drive home. I was so stark-raving upset at her rejection that I forgot to get a designated driver, so yes, I tried to drive drunk.

After crashing and being loaded in an ambulance, I left my body when the EKG flatlined. The paramedics restored rhythm to my heart but I was still out-of-body. Then I left the ambulance through its chassis as if bullet through smoke. This didn't make sense; they brought me back to life but I was still a floating spirit.

I flew across the country without any momentum, seeing many sights from the air, then when I flew low across a suburb, I slowly permeated through the walls of a McMansion and blacked out once again.

The start of my 2nd childhood

I woke up in a daze in what turned out to be somewhere in Upstate New York. I was shocked when I saw in the mirror that I was occupying someone else's body now - the body of some 5-year-old tyke named Tanaka Shimoya.

I was horrified at first, but realized in these Skarmory-adorned Pokémon pajamas that my yesterday evening's prayer has been answered.

I doubt my (new) parents will appreciate my putting this up here, but my new address is:

Shimoya Residence

Actually, I don't think they'll know for a long time, because their five-year-old son will be the LAST person they'll expect to have his own blog-site! HAHA! I put the address up because in case any of my old friends from my first life want to send me anything, that's where it'll go.

I hope to reunite with them too, even though they'll not feel as cozy reuniting with a 5-year-old they haven't seen before as they would feel with my previous body.

What of my first body?

I just got off the phone with my brother from my first life, and made up a story that I knew Marcus from his volunteering at the Boys & Girls Club in Manhattan, KS, in order for him to spill the beans to me.

He says that I'm in a coma, and will be due to wake up in about a month from now.

That means only one thing: If I now occupy the body of a Japanese-Korean-American 5-year-old, then THIS BODY'S ORIGINAL OCCUPANT WILL OCCUPY ME!

I can't IMAGINE how he'll act when he comes out of his coma, but I know I am NOT looking forward to it. I DREAD that day to come. Do any of you readers have ANY idea what the "original Tanaka" will do to my reputation? My friendships? My LIFE? The thoughts and the hypotheses make me CRINGE!

I suppose that in order to get a better idea of how the "original Tanaka" was and will be, I will ask my new Dad to show me family home videos of this last Christmas, and anything recent. I need to see how the "original Tanaka" acted in order to get an idea of how he will act in my first body!

Staying connected with my previous life

Having retained ALL the memories of my first life, (Thank God!) I logged onto my Facebook and email and saw that several of my friends wrote messages of sympathy, well-wishes, and other notes of the sort. One of them referenced reading the news of my accident on my (former) college's newspaper - the Kansas State Collegian. I just read through the article and got to learn a little more about my accident from it.

Fortunately, the article says that the occupants of the other vehicle - an SUV, all emerged from the wreck with mere cuts, bruises, and flecks of glass hanging from their clothes. They fared a helluva lot better than I did, and I extend my apologies to that vehicle's occupants.

I thought of responding and telling my friends that I'm now in another body, but I knew that nobody would buy it. (I don't have friends from India on Facebook, nor anyone who believes in any form of reincarnation.) Therefore, I'll wait until I find and see a pediatric psychologist, and get from her whether I should tell my story to my (first life's) friends, or leave them all completely alone.

When I finish this blog, I'll check my voicemail at 785-110-6997, and hope that nobody answers it when I dial. I don't mind giving that number out because I can't have that phone anymore, and when my original body wakes up with a 5-year-old mentality, my parents will decide that I/he doesn't need a phone anymore. (He'll probably be institutionalized.)

My family deserves to hear my voicemail now.

I'll leave a message on my family's house phone at 785-122-6059 later today (and hope they're not home!) with the password and instructions on how to access my voicemail.

I'll also have to make up, once again, that I knew Marc from the Boys & Girls Club that he used to volunteer at, and that he shared some of his voicemail with me, and taught me how to use it, so that's how I knew.

(Sadly though, I never volunteered at that club in my first life. I hope my parents don't get in contact with them to try and find out what they didn't know before.)

Plans for the near future

Here are my plans for my new life now:

  • Take the fullest advantage of my new childhood.
  • Find a pediatric psychologist in the Yellow Pages, and hope that they leave an "emergency" cellphone number in their office voicemail. (On New Year's, all of their offices have got to be closed!)
  • Once I get in touch with one, urge him/her to visit my house so I can spill my story to them!
  • And have them administer me an IQ test. I expect a full-ride scholarship to the best private school after getting the scores I think I'll get!
  • Keep blogging updates about my 2nd childhood!
  • Help put together a meeting of the Shuttleses and the Shimoyas (long-term goal; this summer, hopefully)
  • Skip many grades and be in college "again" by age 10.
  • (Most likely SUNY Albany! I kind of wish to go back to K-State but the out-of-state tuition is way up there! Wait, my academic prowess ought to give me a full-ride scholarship anywhere, so I guess deciding between K-State and SUNY Albany would be a toss-up at this point.)
  • Go to MIT after finishing a state college
  • Get on as many game shows for kids as I can!
  • Become the prodigy that many will love!
I had more to go over but my new Mom just called us down for breakfast so I need to stop and publish. I'll publish again soon!

-Tanaka Shimoya